A man sits down on a bar stool and tells the bartender, “Pour me a drink before the trouble starts.”

The bartender looks puzzled, but pours him a drink.

The man chugs it and says, “Pour me another drink before the trouble starts.”

The bartender does and the man downs it as quickly as the first.

After a few more rounds, the bartender says, “Look, pal: you’ve had five drinks and all you talk about is ‘some trouble starting.’ Just when is this trouble supposed to start?”

The man replies, “Just as soon as you discover I don’t have the money to pay you for these drinks!”

There is this corner bar that has three entrances, one on each street, and one on the corner.

A drunk walks into one entrance, and bartender refuses to serve him, telling him he is too drunk.

So, the drunk leaves, stumbles down to the corner where he finds the second entrance. He enters again, and is refused service again. He stares at the bartender, falls back out into the street, turns the corner, and finds the third entrance.

He goes back into the bar, sees the bartender, and stops dead in his tracks.After studying the bartender for a long moment, he exclaims, “Good grief! Do you own all the bars in town?”

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that, so he stayed put.

Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. The drunk started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms v.i.olently, in an attempt to free himself of the sheets. He ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who had witnessed the entire incident, walked up to him and asked: “What the hell is going on?”

The drunk, still staring down at the sheets, replied, “I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.”